Ugghh.....

Coming from the land of Gandhi, I am all for non-violence. But when I am stuck behind a racer who would finish last in a one car race, it makes me desire the lineage of 'Don Corleone'. And this slug just creeps up in front of me at the most opportune time. I am trying to catch a flight in 45 mins, there’s bumper to bumper in all the lanes around me and I think getting into the left-most lane would give me some leeway. I follow my instinct and as soon as I hit 50 mph…Bam! There is a snail right in front of me. I despairingly look at the right lane for a place I can slide my car into. Cars which I had left behind a moment ago mock my instinct by zooming past me. I try to spot the eyes of the perpetrator in his rear view mirror. Every car that passes me by makes me want to transform my car into a monster truck and do an Ace Ventura on the lil guy. I spot a weak driver in the right lane. The horn blares as I swoop in throwing caution to the wind. I don’t mind it though as long as I am rescued from turning into a serial killer on the road. Even as I pass the herbie that tormented my existence for those millions of milliseconds, I want to ram it into the curb. As my ‘hulk’ de-mutates with each passing moment, I manage to grin at the zany ferocity that dogged my psyche. I am glad I can step on the gas now. All of a sudden I apply the brakes as I spot the car in my lane going slower than the one I passed. I am further distraught when I see a wry smile pass me from the left. I just look into the sky and cry out loud “Why me God? Why me?”

Definitely, Maybe

Definitely, Maybe. Now thats an awesome title for a Rom-Com. So whats the purpose of a Rom-Com? Going beyond all the BS and corny mushy lines, it all boils down to 2 fundamentals.

First, a couple watching the movie thinks of each other if they are watching the movie on their own. If they are watching it together, well thats a lot of gazing into each others eyes.....lots of the soft mushy BS making sense at the time....maybe some reuse of the corny lines after a fight.

Second, a Single viewer comes out of the theater wishing he/she falls in love the next time he (you know what lets stick to he....considering yours truly is in that category) boards a train or picks a coffee at the airport Starbucks. (Oops did I give away my thoughts?) He starts thinking of a lot of 'what ifs'. Should I have talked to her? God help a hopeless romantic coz it just causes the person to have a heartbreak. Did I become a friend and miss out on being her soul mate? Wonder if she is still single?

So does the movie fulfill these? Well kinda sorta in a way......Ryan Reynolds holds the movie together appreciably well. Isla Fisher is just sooo cute. (Did I say cute? Well I am not from California and I don't wear pink if it sounded that way) Rachel Weisz looks a million dollars each time she appears on screen. Kevin Kline plays the most refreshing role of the movie. Now hold on let me restate that. Kevin Kline plays the only refreshing role in the movie. Abigail Breslin tries to play this kind of a character. But I wish this was made with Dakota Fanning a few years ago. There needed to be an endearing heart melting character making us go 'awww'. She is too good an actor maybe to be just a kid on screen and make us feel for her. The film also lacked that one scene which remains with the user all his life. Having said that this is worth a watch on dvd. Pick it when it makes it to the Blockbuster store near you.....(Blockbuster better pay me serious moolah or I am backing Netflix in my next review)

Wishful start to 2008

As any other year, 2007 saw its share of problems; the Iraq war, the instability in Pakistan, the global warming debate and the local violence in different parts of the world, to name a few. It was filled with some great moments but also some seeds sown for problems in 2008.

So what's the root cause of all of them? Well it so happens that humans like most other species have an inherent tendency to ally with others of their kind. Ever see an alliance between cats and dogs? Let me know when that happens. People have always been coming together as a group due to some commonality. This is the reason; you have pockets of similar people living in a particular area. This is China town or this is a Desi hub or this is predominantly a Jewish establishment or this is the Bible belt. That's the reason, Indians generally marry in their own caste or Catholics prefer someone who goes to the same church or Sunnis marry Sunnis. Well that's the norm usually. This has created a world, which is somewhat divided by our differences.

A striking resemblance in human beings from all over the world is quirky. A common love is not as effective as a common hatred, to unify a group. For Indians, it was the fight against the British that brought us together against language and regional barriers. The US has had causes like anti-communism, the fight against outsourcing and now the fight against terrorism to bring people together. While this is not always a bad thing, a few individuals often drive the implications of this fight against something. History is fraught with instances when leaders have misused the sentiment of the masses to carry out pogroms. Be it the Nazis or the Islamic fundamentalists, we have seen enough acts of pusillanimous nature. Are we going to blame the leaders who bring out the worst in us as human beings or are we going to look beneath our own skins and fight away our own demons? Well the question answers itself.

The change that would ultimately propagate us to a better tomorrow is no miracle pill. It boils down to each and every one of us treating everyone else the way we want us to be treated. No matter what the race, religion, language or country, every person has a perspective, which may be at loggerheads with your beliefs. If we make an effort to understand theirs and give them an insight into our own, there is hardly any reason for conflict. We may not agree on every aspect of life but we need to respect the other persons view and reach some kind of a 'agree to disagree' plateau of understanding.

So what does the above jargon imply for you? Well a good start to 2008, would be to try and get to know people from other camps. Open your mind and be friends with someone from a group, which you detest or maybe just disagree with. Pro-lifers break bread with a pro choicer. Christians get a Muslim friend. Desi's should make a Pakistani friend or pen friend. On a bigger scale, I would say every country should have a joint effort to send school children to other regions as a cultural exchange. Let them get a feel of knowing the people they would have under normal circumstances hated in the near future. It is difficult to hate someone you know.

Lets all hope 2008 is a lot more peaceful and skirmish-free than earlier years. May common sense prevail on us all and Wish everyone a happy new year.

If I am damned till eternity

So heres a crazy thought that makes me wanna stay righteous and not sin....well almost. I can't bear to imagine the possibility that I may be damned till eternity. So whats so bad in that? Well if I was the devil I would make all my slaves do what they hate the most. Like make Al Gore drive a PUC failed wagon truck smoking a combination of a million cigars. Simon Cowell would have to listen to Sanjaya sing for eternity. Inzamam-ul-Haq would speak in English all the time.
I would make Donald Trump share a room with Rossie O'Donnell......Have Nicole Ritchie eat a full meal and stop the fat bastard from eating (thats a metaphor for you...sitting on the couch and eating chips all day). Force Adolf Hitler to lead a Kosher life and be hounded by his own Nazi army.
So whats my bane of existence you ask? Well it would have to be ironing my clothes. If the Devil wanted to make sure I suffer, I would be ironing his (Is that a her.....I would certainly prefer Liz Hurley to reprise her role here) wardrobe for eternity.

So how do we make sure that things we hate doing don't get to us? Well for one a lot of people visualize their workplace as hell on earth. There are a few who make sure that workplace is hell for others. (Well thats a story for another blog) Now its very easy to say that you should do what you love doing.....and if u don't like your job just Quit. These are options for some of us. Most others have priorities in life which obviate such utopian concepts as the dream job or the one thing that one was destined to do.

Having said that, it is in every single one of us to achieve or do what we really want in life. Borrowing a quote from the Alchemist "If you really want something, the Universe conspires to get it for you" (Don't sue me if you want Angelina Jolie and don't get her....there are some things the Universe just can't conspire enough for) You gotta keep working towards what you want. You also need to know that however crappy your job seems to be, it is making a difference to someone. Just borrow a leaf from John McLaine (Die Hard), you may not be wanting to do something. Nevertheless at this point in time, theres no one else to do it. If somethings gotta be done, its gotta be done. You can either be unhappy and do it or be happy about other things going right in your life and do it believing this will be over in no time.

As for me, well I am back to doing laundry, while I listen to my favorite music in the background. Or as I would want myself to believe listen to my favorite music and iron my clothes in the background. Whatever keeps me happy!

Om Shanty Om

After reading every review praising Om Shaanti Om vis-a-vis Saawariya, I had to see OSO before the Bhansali dud. I guess the reviews were written comparing the 2 movies or just for some plain hard cash. Well I didnt get my share so heres the truth as I see it.

The film starts off with Om Prakash Makhija (Srk) as a commoner extra in the movies and a fan\admirer of a starlet Shaanti Priya (Deepika). This seems reminiscent of the RGV flick Mast. The twist being, Om has ambitions of becoming a big star himself. What follows is a charade of almost every old actor in the business. A lot of it tastefully, some not so. This part is quite entertaining, I must say. Om saves Shaanti from a fire disaster ala Sunil Dutt-Nargis. Theres a very funny 'Rascalaa Mind it sequence' Unfortunately she is already in love with a producer Mukesh (an odd looking Arjun Rampal) The brief friendship between Om and Shaanti ends with their death courtesy Mukesh.
Flash-forward 25 yrs (or whatever) and you see Om reincarnated as Om Kapoor aka OK. He is a star son and we are served with a lot of funny anecdotes about star tantrums. But soon OK recalls his earlier birth and goes on a mission to make things right with the old producer rechristened from Mukesh to Mikey (an even odder looking Arjun Rampal). Deepika makes an appearance as a starstruck Sandhya aka Sandy and what follows is a comic revenge plot against Mikey. Sound familiar? Maybe you saw the stylish yet unsuccessful Sanjay Gupta caper "Hameshaa".

So is Om Shaanti Om justified the box office collections, hell no! What works for OSO is a good music track, Srk's new found abs and of course the divine looking Deepika. The movie is more or less a spoof of the 70s movies....but hey wasn't 'Main Hoo Naa' a 70s movie spoof as well? hey wait wasn't it made by Farha Khan? Well you shud get used to it now. Sooraj Barjatya makes wedding videos, Ramsays make 'scary' movies.....and well Farha makes spoofs. So get over it. The biggest downside to this movie is a complete lack of chemistry between Deepika and Srk. Though they look like million dollars individually, together they look well like Dad and daughter...well lets say big bro small sis to be non-acerbic. I would have thought Om could be played by a younger actor like Saif and this would have been a better movie. Regardless of the great box office collections, OSO would not find a place in my all time gr8 SRK movies....let alone all time great movies. But then again who cares? Go see this one for Deepika if you are a guy! Go watch it for Srk's 6 pack if you are a SRK fan! For the rest just have some guffaws!

Johnny Gaddar

Rating: 3/5
Audience: Urban Multiplex
Review: Johnny Gaddar the title suggests a cheesy movie and it almost is one, almost being the key word there. This one is a tribute to the cliched thrillers in the bollywood movie world and beyond. Sriram Raghavan has earlier directed the uber-fast and exciting Ek Hasina Thi. If you have seen that one, you would agree when I say that I had high expectations. Raghavan almost got the high bar he set with his first movie, again almost being the key word.
The Plot: JG begins on a very intriguing note and keeps you interested all through. There is never a dull moment. The movie though a thriller, has no elements of suspense. It makes this one churn up a different brand of storytelling. The lack of suspense does get to you in the second half. I am cruel enough to give away the plot.
The protagonist or should I say antagonist is a double crossing average Joe "Vikram" played by newcomer Neil Mukesh. He is involved in a heist with the stately ex-smuggler Seshadri (Dharmendra in a good role sans the English tit bits...he seems to be on a roll after Life in a metro...Whatever happened to Main tumhara Khoon Pee jaaoonga Kutte), temperamental gambler Prakash (Vinay Pathak the new Mr. Dependable these days when it comes to comedy and\or drama), sinister Shardul (Zakir Hussain.....Remember Rashid from Sarkar?....another feather in his cap this one) and the calm Shiva (Daya Shetty). And as fate would have it....(thats what he says!)...he ends up double crossing them for the money. The supporting cast also has Govind Namdeo (awesome as always), Rimmi Sen (watever happened to the girl from Shik dum!!!) and Ashvini Kalsekar (Not found on the main credits but amazing actress if directors use her well which has been done the second time after Khakee). The soundtrack is exquisitely fused with the storytelling and brings out the mood of the screeenplay perfectly. The movie falters marginally in the dialogue department. There aren't very many one liners which become part of your vocabulary after the movie. Neil Mukesh does a commendable debut. But somewhere I believe he underplays his character, unfortunately putting him in the Fardeen bracket. I sure do hope that the portrayal was due to the character he was playing and hope to see him in his next flick. All in all, a good movie worth a dekko.

Fate 2 Me 0

Whoever said "Man makes his own Fate" must be smoking pot of the highest degree. Well an overstatement that might be, but it sure holds true when a Mr. Murphy used your life as his apparatus for experimentation....(For the dimwits....ding ding ding....I am talking about the Murphy's law)

I for one, have added Murphy to my all time hit list....(He is target# 2....right after my friend Newton....Why? he had to creep into every facet of Physics and screw it up for people reading it....Sometimes I feel I should use all of Newton's laws, create a time machine and kidnap him out of his century.....wonder what that would do the space time continuum....Well I gotta consult my friend Hiro Nakamuru for that) Why poor Murphy? Well he just about uses me as his Beta Site every now and then and I am just done with him. I could forgive him for deeds such as
1) My flight gets canceled. I wait in line for a reschedule. A new line opens. I wait for a while and then shift to the new line. But wait, I am the last one to change the line. Next thing I know the line I just left has been served and I have to actually walk with my tail between my legs to the old line coz my stupid line refuses to take me to the end.
2) I am driving in the fast lane in heavy traffic. I see the guys to my right going past me like they have just opened up cars that can fly only in that lane. I bite temptation and change lanes. Well you guessed it right the fast lane is the one with flying cars now.
3) I am sitting in a bus in the aisle seat. I feel the urge for a window seat. I change my seat. The guy at my earlier seat leaves and a hot chick sits at the place I vacated. The seat next to me is inhabited by an old man.

Now that was Murphy's test cases in his Unit Testing phase (sorry for that jargon.....my software background just catches up with me sometimes)....He had something sinister planned for me. So heres what happened......

Week 1: Gorgeous weather. I wanna catch a 5:36 pm flight. I start from the office at 3:45...(15 mins past the usual time)....Sure enough I get caught in traffic.....I am STUCK in traffic.....Move it....No. 3 above is repeated countless times. Some jerk has banged his car at exit 68....and I am stuck.....Finally some respite....I get a shoulder to drive on. I get past 2 exits in a jiffy.....5:10 pm....Gosh I am just gonna get there....(thats the fun part Murphy gives me hope....it would have been so great to have no hope instead)..I am hoping theres a tornado warning somewhere and my flight gets delayed by 15 mins....15 mins is all I ask for God..5:20 pm....I reach the Rental Car compound....and the Bus for the airport is right there....huh No Sir....I wait for 8 more mins....Bus comes....I ride to the terminal....."Sir its too late for you to get to the boarding gates"..."Whens the next flight? Put me on that one"...."Tomorrow morning 6 am"...."Huh?".....I spend the night at a hotel near the airport and catch the flight next morning waking up at 4 freakin am in the morning.

No sir it doesn't stop here.....Week 2: Gorgeous weather. I wanna catch the same flight. I leave at 3:15 pm.....I don't wanna be the buffoon that I was last week. Now I am not gonna miss another flight....I drive on the freeway with the adroitness of a Schumacher.....Theres no traffic whatsoever....Could God just show me some traffic to reiterate my belief in keeping a safety buffer....Nope no help there. The cars move away giving me way like I am Bruce Almighty......4:15 pm.....I am at the Rental car compound....Well guess what this time the bus is waiting for me to board.....4:30 I swipe my card to get the Boarding pass....I am told my flight is delayed by an hour...But why Muldn't you do this a week ago....More sadistic laughter my way.....All I can do is sit at the airport, drink a cold glass of Beer (thank God for that) and write this blog cursing Mr. Murphy...@#$%^&^&*

Home Sweat Home

1 year 8 months and 7 days.....since I set foot in my hometown....a mental picture of my state of mind?

Yeah well not so dramatic actually.....but the feeling of not meeting my family had been up and running in my system for a while. The delirious ways of the last week did not affect me to a greater degree as I was swimming in a boatload of work. I boarded a flight like any other week. But this one was special...(Well thats the reason I was able to suppress the 'paranoia before every travel' gene and get going calmly. Of course I had a thousand copies of all important stuff stacked in every possible place....Well thats something I haven't been able to shrug off my genome project. Hopefully my kids are more care free....oh my gosh what if they are care free????...hehehe lets move on and not waste time...) This flight was a 15 hour flight....and some people told me I should take care of my nature calls as soon as possible....But it was not the least bit stressful...(It bole to the flight...what were u thinking?)...In fact it comes highly recommended vis-a-vis the others which make you wait for 4 hours in a place where they think they speak English.

An air of excitement filled my senses at the exit of the Mumbai airport security. I instantly started smiling out of the blue..(those of u who know me thats typical me....those who don't well now you do). Every time I saw "Love Actually" (which is quite a few times), I couldn't help but imagine myself in the end sequence......

Now it was my calling and it played out not as exaggerated as the movie.....(So this was edited from the movie u see)....I gave my parents a hug amongst the million people waiting for their loved ones or people like "Mr. Mikel Smith <-| Hotel Marriot".

So first impressions of the place.....it didn't stink as some friends suggested....(Boo to u guys....for telling me that)...What else? well I was out of security in 15 mins.....Cheers 2 you guys at the airport....(to top it all I didn't have to flash my "Me Marathi aahe" card although I did use it on my journey back)

I get into the car next to the drivers seat and look for the seat belt.....oh my gosh look out for that car......oh that was close....ooooh lookout there......i was moving my body away from every object that crossed the path of our car.....a visual? sure....

I instantly had illusions of a halo around my 'avatar' from 2 yrs back behind a driving wheel navigating effortlessly through this Armageddon. The 30 min ride home filled me with an air of nostalgia! (thats me being cheeky and slipping in a cliche'd line or 2....pardon me) I surprised myself by not falling prey to the deadly virus called 'jet lag'....(or so I thought....more later) An hour into my trip I felt something wet on my back and I was jolted into the realization that it was indeed "Home Sweat Home".

P.S. The rest of the trip is to be continued....Also Disclaimer: All Videos sponsored by "Daburlal Danta Manjan"....I get paid for the In-Blog Advertising u see.....Those who know me....Well I was too lazy to take videos and use them so I just did the next best thing....not copy.....get inspired.....More Later....

Vote for the Underdog

Call it "Fortune favors the brave" as stated by an old adage or call it the more topical "Audacity of Hope". (Where the hell is he going with this???) If you pick up any of the reality television shows of our generation you will come across an embodiment of "What's he still doing here?" or "Why is anyone voting for this guy to stay in the first place?". So what is it that endears viewers to support 'wailers' (for lack of a more non-insulting insult) in singing competitions? What makes them play tango with 2 left feet in the dancing competition? What makes someone go and watch an non-actor ham instead of sitting through a multi-starcast movie?

All of us have an ambition to make it big in something. (Some people just have a big head....thats another subject to be discussed in another blog) For some of us it is singing, for others it is dancing or playing some sport. Everyone who listens to you sing says a horse neighs better than you. Everyone who watches us dance says Sunny Deol has better moves than that. "Are you nuts?.....If you do that in public you will be the throwing rotten eggs at you!....All your acting is gonna get you is a Razzy some day!" And you know what most of us say "Huh! maybe they are right! Maybe I should not be flaunting my passion and make a jackass outta myself." And we back off. We replace the sarcastic audience by the makedo audience of ourselves in front of the mirror...We do the most inane things when we know no ones watching. Then someone walks into the room and we freeze. "Whats all that about?"...."Oh that was nothing. Just something i saw a friend do." or "What? Nothing at all"...... We kill that ambition and spirit to do what we love doing!!! We get back to our boring work life and keep thinking what if....We just lose our inner spirit and just give up on our dreams.

We get back home from work and switch on the idiot box. Hey theres Sanjaya Mallakar on 'American Idol' or Kasheef Memon on 'Americas got Talent'. We watch them going after their dreams no matter what the psuedo intellectuals say abt them. We see someone who didn't exactly play out the way we did. Someone who didn't fold his cards too soon. Someone carrying a pair of deuces and getting a deuce on the river. And we say to ourself..."Hmm...I could have been there"..."I wish I had the balls to do what hes doin there!!!"...."I think I will vote for him".....(Of course there are other reasons like Sanjaya's rocking hairdos.)

The defining factor though is not the fact that they get voted for. The most crucial thing to note is why they get voted for....I for one think it is more to do with their mad belief in themselves and passion to go after their dreams...They sure as hell are not the best or most talented of the lot....but they sure as heaven (like that phrase....just came up with it....well u can say sure as heaven if u are a bit more self-righteous) are the most brave hearted...Way to go guys!!!

Life in a Metro

I saw this flick at 2 am. I was planning to see a part of it and then leave the rest of it for the next day. Well it turned out that this one had a way of keeping me hooked on right till the end. There are very many movies which have tried to do the multiple story lines mixed into a single movie. I have never come across a tighter script and a better directed than this one among any of the Indian films. Each one of the story lines was captivating in its own right.

Lets start with the most endearing, impeccant and sinless one. Dharmendra still has the ability to light up the screen with his smile. I wish he had not become a mockery of his old self in the past few decades and only acted in roles which suited him better. I am thankful that Nafisa Ali was cast instead of someone like Hema Malini or Sharmila Tagore as it would have made the story very filmi.

The track involving Irfan Khan and Konkona Sen Sharma is probably the most mirthful of the lot. It has a lot of guffaws laced with a few thoughtful moments. Irfan Khan is the usual brilliance personified. Konkona does not tread too many untrodden paths but gives in a good performance nonetheless. 'Take your chance, baby!' is probably the best advice given on screen.

The romance between Shilpa Shetty and Shiney Ahuja is very well directed. It has a lot of moments which have the romantic undercurrent in the face of adultery and could have been a full length movie. They exude real good chemistry on screen. Though Shiney does not have a meaty role, he does his bit pretty well. Shilpa Shetty has been looking better with age. She looks ravishing in every frame of the movie. Her scenes with Kay Kay Menon have her go beyond what she is given credit for. Her breakdown scene is the most amazing. Kay Kay acts very well in the role presented to him. But I would have liked his character have more grey shades than black ones. There is no part of his character that we want to align ourselves with. Overall though the 'triangle' is something Karan Johar ought to look at for how sensitive issues like adultery needs to be handled. It is notches above KANK from the gloss factory.

Now lets look at the most complex and probably the most controversial story of them all. The film maker must have seen the candy floss 'Yes Boss' and said to himself 'Well that was a good movie. But is that how it would have taken place in real life?' Carnal pleasures have never been shown in a form as raw as this one. Even so there is not a single scene made to titillate the audience just for the heck of it. Kangana Ranaut for once delivers a scratchy performance. She has the look, talent and charm of the younger Juhi Chawla. But she botches one of the better roles of the movie in some scenes due to bad diction. Sharman Joshi as the modern day 'Rahul' is a perfect fit. He shows a lot of range in his acting repertoire and holds this track together. I feel he is one actor who should be given his rightful place in the film industry.

The camera work is imaginative all through. The music is melodious and holds the film together during the songs. The songs convey the feelings of majority of the characters whenever they play. All the songs have scenes intertwined in them so they do not impede the story lines. The star of the show has to be the director. Anurag Basu is in prime form with this one. I think he will be one to look out for in the long run to give us very good cinema.

All in all this one is for someone who likes drama driven thoughtful films. It has enough to keep you interested in all frames.