If I am damned till eternity

So heres a crazy thought that makes me wanna stay righteous and not sin....well almost. I can't bear to imagine the possibility that I may be damned till eternity. So whats so bad in that? Well if I was the devil I would make all my slaves do what they hate the most. Like make Al Gore drive a PUC failed wagon truck smoking a combination of a million cigars. Simon Cowell would have to listen to Sanjaya sing for eternity. Inzamam-ul-Haq would speak in English all the time.
I would make Donald Trump share a room with Rossie O'Donnell......Have Nicole Ritchie eat a full meal and stop the fat bastard from eating (thats a metaphor for you...sitting on the couch and eating chips all day). Force Adolf Hitler to lead a Kosher life and be hounded by his own Nazi army.
So whats my bane of existence you ask? Well it would have to be ironing my clothes. If the Devil wanted to make sure I suffer, I would be ironing his (Is that a her.....I would certainly prefer Liz Hurley to reprise her role here) wardrobe for eternity.

So how do we make sure that things we hate doing don't get to us? Well for one a lot of people visualize their workplace as hell on earth. There are a few who make sure that workplace is hell for others. (Well thats a story for another blog) Now its very easy to say that you should do what you love doing.....and if u don't like your job just Quit. These are options for some of us. Most others have priorities in life which obviate such utopian concepts as the dream job or the one thing that one was destined to do.

Having said that, it is in every single one of us to achieve or do what we really want in life. Borrowing a quote from the Alchemist "If you really want something, the Universe conspires to get it for you" (Don't sue me if you want Angelina Jolie and don't get her....there are some things the Universe just can't conspire enough for) You gotta keep working towards what you want. You also need to know that however crappy your job seems to be, it is making a difference to someone. Just borrow a leaf from John McLaine (Die Hard), you may not be wanting to do something. Nevertheless at this point in time, theres no one else to do it. If somethings gotta be done, its gotta be done. You can either be unhappy and do it or be happy about other things going right in your life and do it believing this will be over in no time.

As for me, well I am back to doing laundry, while I listen to my favorite music in the background. Or as I would want myself to believe listen to my favorite music and iron my clothes in the background. Whatever keeps me happy!

Om Shanty Om

After reading every review praising Om Shaanti Om vis-a-vis Saawariya, I had to see OSO before the Bhansali dud. I guess the reviews were written comparing the 2 movies or just for some plain hard cash. Well I didnt get my share so heres the truth as I see it.

The film starts off with Om Prakash Makhija (Srk) as a commoner extra in the movies and a fan\admirer of a starlet Shaanti Priya (Deepika). This seems reminiscent of the RGV flick Mast. The twist being, Om has ambitions of becoming a big star himself. What follows is a charade of almost every old actor in the business. A lot of it tastefully, some not so. This part is quite entertaining, I must say. Om saves Shaanti from a fire disaster ala Sunil Dutt-Nargis. Theres a very funny 'Rascalaa Mind it sequence' Unfortunately she is already in love with a producer Mukesh (an odd looking Arjun Rampal) The brief friendship between Om and Shaanti ends with their death courtesy Mukesh.
Flash-forward 25 yrs (or whatever) and you see Om reincarnated as Om Kapoor aka OK. He is a star son and we are served with a lot of funny anecdotes about star tantrums. But soon OK recalls his earlier birth and goes on a mission to make things right with the old producer rechristened from Mukesh to Mikey (an even odder looking Arjun Rampal). Deepika makes an appearance as a starstruck Sandhya aka Sandy and what follows is a comic revenge plot against Mikey. Sound familiar? Maybe you saw the stylish yet unsuccessful Sanjay Gupta caper "Hameshaa".

So is Om Shaanti Om justified the box office collections, hell no! What works for OSO is a good music track, Srk's new found abs and of course the divine looking Deepika. The movie is more or less a spoof of the 70s movies....but hey wasn't 'Main Hoo Naa' a 70s movie spoof as well? hey wait wasn't it made by Farha Khan? Well you shud get used to it now. Sooraj Barjatya makes wedding videos, Ramsays make 'scary' movies.....and well Farha makes spoofs. So get over it. The biggest downside to this movie is a complete lack of chemistry between Deepika and Srk. Though they look like million dollars individually, together they look well like Dad and daughter...well lets say big bro small sis to be non-acerbic. I would have thought Om could be played by a younger actor like Saif and this would have been a better movie. Regardless of the great box office collections, OSO would not find a place in my all time gr8 SRK movies....let alone all time great movies. But then again who cares? Go see this one for Deepika if you are a guy! Go watch it for Srk's 6 pack if you are a SRK fan! For the rest just have some guffaws!

Johnny Gaddar

Rating: 3/5
Audience: Urban Multiplex
Review: Johnny Gaddar the title suggests a cheesy movie and it almost is one, almost being the key word there. This one is a tribute to the cliched thrillers in the bollywood movie world and beyond. Sriram Raghavan has earlier directed the uber-fast and exciting Ek Hasina Thi. If you have seen that one, you would agree when I say that I had high expectations. Raghavan almost got the high bar he set with his first movie, again almost being the key word.
The Plot: JG begins on a very intriguing note and keeps you interested all through. There is never a dull moment. The movie though a thriller, has no elements of suspense. It makes this one churn up a different brand of storytelling. The lack of suspense does get to you in the second half. I am cruel enough to give away the plot.
The protagonist or should I say antagonist is a double crossing average Joe "Vikram" played by newcomer Neil Mukesh. He is involved in a heist with the stately ex-smuggler Seshadri (Dharmendra in a good role sans the English tit bits...he seems to be on a roll after Life in a metro...Whatever happened to Main tumhara Khoon Pee jaaoonga Kutte), temperamental gambler Prakash (Vinay Pathak the new Mr. Dependable these days when it comes to comedy and\or drama), sinister Shardul (Zakir Hussain.....Remember Rashid from Sarkar?....another feather in his cap this one) and the calm Shiva (Daya Shetty). And as fate would have it....(thats what he says!)...he ends up double crossing them for the money. The supporting cast also has Govind Namdeo (awesome as always), Rimmi Sen (watever happened to the girl from Shik dum!!!) and Ashvini Kalsekar (Not found on the main credits but amazing actress if directors use her well which has been done the second time after Khakee). The soundtrack is exquisitely fused with the storytelling and brings out the mood of the screeenplay perfectly. The movie falters marginally in the dialogue department. There aren't very many one liners which become part of your vocabulary after the movie. Neil Mukesh does a commendable debut. But somewhere I believe he underplays his character, unfortunately putting him in the Fardeen bracket. I sure do hope that the portrayal was due to the character he was playing and hope to see him in his next flick. All in all, a good movie worth a dekko.

Fate 2 Me 0

Whoever said "Man makes his own Fate" must be smoking pot of the highest degree. Well an overstatement that might be, but it sure holds true when a Mr. Murphy used your life as his apparatus for experimentation....(For the dimwits....ding ding ding....I am talking about the Murphy's law)

I for one, have added Murphy to my all time hit list....(He is target# 2....right after my friend Newton....Why? he had to creep into every facet of Physics and screw it up for people reading it....Sometimes I feel I should use all of Newton's laws, create a time machine and kidnap him out of his century.....wonder what that would do the space time continuum....Well I gotta consult my friend Hiro Nakamuru for that) Why poor Murphy? Well he just about uses me as his Beta Site every now and then and I am just done with him. I could forgive him for deeds such as
1) My flight gets canceled. I wait in line for a reschedule. A new line opens. I wait for a while and then shift to the new line. But wait, I am the last one to change the line. Next thing I know the line I just left has been served and I have to actually walk with my tail between my legs to the old line coz my stupid line refuses to take me to the end.
2) I am driving in the fast lane in heavy traffic. I see the guys to my right going past me like they have just opened up cars that can fly only in that lane. I bite temptation and change lanes. Well you guessed it right the fast lane is the one with flying cars now.
3) I am sitting in a bus in the aisle seat. I feel the urge for a window seat. I change my seat. The guy at my earlier seat leaves and a hot chick sits at the place I vacated. The seat next to me is inhabited by an old man.

Now that was Murphy's test cases in his Unit Testing phase (sorry for that jargon.....my software background just catches up with me sometimes)....He had something sinister planned for me. So heres what happened......

Week 1: Gorgeous weather. I wanna catch a 5:36 pm flight. I start from the office at 3:45...(15 mins past the usual time)....Sure enough I get caught in traffic.....I am STUCK in traffic.....Move it....No. 3 above is repeated countless times. Some jerk has banged his car at exit 68....and I am stuck.....Finally some respite....I get a shoulder to drive on. I get past 2 exits in a jiffy.....5:10 pm....Gosh I am just gonna get there....(thats the fun part Murphy gives me hope....it would have been so great to have no hope instead)..I am hoping theres a tornado warning somewhere and my flight gets delayed by 15 mins....15 mins is all I ask for God..5:20 pm....I reach the Rental Car compound....and the Bus for the airport is right there....huh No Sir....I wait for 8 more mins....Bus comes....I ride to the terminal....."Sir its too late for you to get to the boarding gates"..."Whens the next flight? Put me on that one"...."Tomorrow morning 6 am"...."Huh?".....I spend the night at a hotel near the airport and catch the flight next morning waking up at 4 freakin am in the morning.

No sir it doesn't stop here.....Week 2: Gorgeous weather. I wanna catch the same flight. I leave at 3:15 pm.....I don't wanna be the buffoon that I was last week. Now I am not gonna miss another flight....I drive on the freeway with the adroitness of a Schumacher.....Theres no traffic whatsoever....Could God just show me some traffic to reiterate my belief in keeping a safety buffer....Nope no help there. The cars move away giving me way like I am Bruce Almighty......4:15 pm.....I am at the Rental car compound....Well guess what this time the bus is waiting for me to board.....4:30 I swipe my card to get the Boarding pass....I am told my flight is delayed by an hour...But why Muldn't you do this a week ago....More sadistic laughter my way.....All I can do is sit at the airport, drink a cold glass of Beer (thank God for that) and write this blog cursing Mr. Murphy...@#$%^&^&*

Home Sweat Home

1 year 8 months and 7 days.....since I set foot in my hometown....a mental picture of my state of mind?

Yeah well not so dramatic actually.....but the feeling of not meeting my family had been up and running in my system for a while. The delirious ways of the last week did not affect me to a greater degree as I was swimming in a boatload of work. I boarded a flight like any other week. But this one was special...(Well thats the reason I was able to suppress the 'paranoia before every travel' gene and get going calmly. Of course I had a thousand copies of all important stuff stacked in every possible place....Well thats something I haven't been able to shrug off my genome project. Hopefully my kids are more care free....oh my gosh what if they are care free????...hehehe lets move on and not waste time...) This flight was a 15 hour flight....and some people told me I should take care of my nature calls as soon as possible....But it was not the least bit stressful...(It bole to the flight...what were u thinking?)...In fact it comes highly recommended vis-a-vis the others which make you wait for 4 hours in a place where they think they speak English.

An air of excitement filled my senses at the exit of the Mumbai airport security. I instantly started smiling out of the blue..(those of u who know me thats typical me....those who don't well now you do). Every time I saw "Love Actually" (which is quite a few times), I couldn't help but imagine myself in the end sequence......

Now it was my calling and it played out not as exaggerated as the movie.....(So this was edited from the movie u see)....I gave my parents a hug amongst the million people waiting for their loved ones or people like "Mr. Mikel Smith <-| Hotel Marriot".

So first impressions of the place.....it didn't stink as some friends suggested....(Boo to u guys....for telling me that)...What else? well I was out of security in 15 mins.....Cheers 2 you guys at the airport....(to top it all I didn't have to flash my "Me Marathi aahe" card although I did use it on my journey back)

I get into the car next to the drivers seat and look for the seat belt.....oh my gosh look out for that car......oh that was close....ooooh lookout there......i was moving my body away from every object that crossed the path of our car.....a visual? sure....

I instantly had illusions of a halo around my 'avatar' from 2 yrs back behind a driving wheel navigating effortlessly through this Armageddon. The 30 min ride home filled me with an air of nostalgia! (thats me being cheeky and slipping in a cliche'd line or 2....pardon me) I surprised myself by not falling prey to the deadly virus called 'jet lag'....(or so I thought....more later) An hour into my trip I felt something wet on my back and I was jolted into the realization that it was indeed "Home Sweat Home".

P.S. The rest of the trip is to be continued....Also Disclaimer: All Videos sponsored by "Daburlal Danta Manjan"....I get paid for the In-Blog Advertising u see.....Those who know me....Well I was too lazy to take videos and use them so I just did the next best thing....not copy.....get inspired.....More Later....

Vote for the Underdog

Call it "Fortune favors the brave" as stated by an old adage or call it the more topical "Audacity of Hope". (Where the hell is he going with this???) If you pick up any of the reality television shows of our generation you will come across an embodiment of "What's he still doing here?" or "Why is anyone voting for this guy to stay in the first place?". So what is it that endears viewers to support 'wailers' (for lack of a more non-insulting insult) in singing competitions? What makes them play tango with 2 left feet in the dancing competition? What makes someone go and watch an non-actor ham instead of sitting through a multi-starcast movie?

All of us have an ambition to make it big in something. (Some people just have a big head....thats another subject to be discussed in another blog) For some of us it is singing, for others it is dancing or playing some sport. Everyone who listens to you sing says a horse neighs better than you. Everyone who watches us dance says Sunny Deol has better moves than that. "Are you nuts?.....If you do that in public you will be the throwing rotten eggs at you!....All your acting is gonna get you is a Razzy some day!" And you know what most of us say "Huh! maybe they are right! Maybe I should not be flaunting my passion and make a jackass outta myself." And we back off. We replace the sarcastic audience by the makedo audience of ourselves in front of the mirror...We do the most inane things when we know no ones watching. Then someone walks into the room and we freeze. "Whats all that about?"...."Oh that was nothing. Just something i saw a friend do." or "What? Nothing at all"...... We kill that ambition and spirit to do what we love doing!!! We get back to our boring work life and keep thinking what if....We just lose our inner spirit and just give up on our dreams.

We get back home from work and switch on the idiot box. Hey theres Sanjaya Mallakar on 'American Idol' or Kasheef Memon on 'Americas got Talent'. We watch them going after their dreams no matter what the psuedo intellectuals say abt them. We see someone who didn't exactly play out the way we did. Someone who didn't fold his cards too soon. Someone carrying a pair of deuces and getting a deuce on the river. And we say to ourself..."Hmm...I could have been there"..."I wish I had the balls to do what hes doin there!!!"...."I think I will vote for him".....(Of course there are other reasons like Sanjaya's rocking hairdos.)

The defining factor though is not the fact that they get voted for. The most crucial thing to note is why they get voted for....I for one think it is more to do with their mad belief in themselves and passion to go after their dreams...They sure as hell are not the best or most talented of the lot....but they sure as heaven (like that phrase....just came up with it....well u can say sure as heaven if u are a bit more self-righteous) are the most brave hearted...Way to go guys!!!

Life in a Metro

I saw this flick at 2 am. I was planning to see a part of it and then leave the rest of it for the next day. Well it turned out that this one had a way of keeping me hooked on right till the end. There are very many movies which have tried to do the multiple story lines mixed into a single movie. I have never come across a tighter script and a better directed than this one among any of the Indian films. Each one of the story lines was captivating in its own right.

Lets start with the most endearing, impeccant and sinless one. Dharmendra still has the ability to light up the screen with his smile. I wish he had not become a mockery of his old self in the past few decades and only acted in roles which suited him better. I am thankful that Nafisa Ali was cast instead of someone like Hema Malini or Sharmila Tagore as it would have made the story very filmi.

The track involving Irfan Khan and Konkona Sen Sharma is probably the most mirthful of the lot. It has a lot of guffaws laced with a few thoughtful moments. Irfan Khan is the usual brilliance personified. Konkona does not tread too many untrodden paths but gives in a good performance nonetheless. 'Take your chance, baby!' is probably the best advice given on screen.

The romance between Shilpa Shetty and Shiney Ahuja is very well directed. It has a lot of moments which have the romantic undercurrent in the face of adultery and could have been a full length movie. They exude real good chemistry on screen. Though Shiney does not have a meaty role, he does his bit pretty well. Shilpa Shetty has been looking better with age. She looks ravishing in every frame of the movie. Her scenes with Kay Kay Menon have her go beyond what she is given credit for. Her breakdown scene is the most amazing. Kay Kay acts very well in the role presented to him. But I would have liked his character have more grey shades than black ones. There is no part of his character that we want to align ourselves with. Overall though the 'triangle' is something Karan Johar ought to look at for how sensitive issues like adultery needs to be handled. It is notches above KANK from the gloss factory.

Now lets look at the most complex and probably the most controversial story of them all. The film maker must have seen the candy floss 'Yes Boss' and said to himself 'Well that was a good movie. But is that how it would have taken place in real life?' Carnal pleasures have never been shown in a form as raw as this one. Even so there is not a single scene made to titillate the audience just for the heck of it. Kangana Ranaut for once delivers a scratchy performance. She has the look, talent and charm of the younger Juhi Chawla. But she botches one of the better roles of the movie in some scenes due to bad diction. Sharman Joshi as the modern day 'Rahul' is a perfect fit. He shows a lot of range in his acting repertoire and holds this track together. I feel he is one actor who should be given his rightful place in the film industry.

The camera work is imaginative all through. The music is melodious and holds the film together during the songs. The songs convey the feelings of majority of the characters whenever they play. All the songs have scenes intertwined in them so they do not impede the story lines. The star of the show has to be the director. Anurag Basu is in prime form with this one. I think he will be one to look out for in the long run to give us very good cinema.

All in all this one is for someone who likes drama driven thoughtful films. It has enough to keep you interested in all frames.

A Tragedy.....and a Quest for a Happy Ending

This is the first time that I am delving into something where I am gonna leave my cocky side out of a blog. Hopefully this one would somehow someway influence the way you look at life and inspire you to look at life in a different light.

I was chatting with a friend of mine who narrated me a very touching incident about her chance meeting with an old friend. And she even wrote abt this in her blog. But having read it and feeling depressed abt it for a while I thought the incident had to be narrated from her friend's perspective and not her own. So here goes.....

"Its almost been a year since 7/11. The day me and many like me became prisoners of time and Fate. For the ignorant few who feel 9/11 was the big tragedy coz it was in the US. Well heres a link to the tragedy that was 7/11. But unlike the 9/11 there were no protests all over the world. There were no prayers in the temples and churches of the world. There was no war fought and there were no statements made to threaten the existence of a country. I felt angry about this initially. But as my anger subsided and reality set in, I thought this wasn't a way of getting redemption either. The tragedy as I saw it wasn't the blast itself. The tragedy was the fact that my post 7/11, my disability became my identity. There wasn't a moment in my life when I didn't feel anyone staring at me. There wasn't a single conversation after that which did not spring up my disability. There was more ruckus over someone sitting in a ladies seat in the bus than in the disabled persons seat. There were more able people in the disabled compartment of the train than disabled ones. The cries of reservation based on caste were more vociferous than the cry to give disabled people their shot at education, earning and life itself. Sure I could still work, somewhere somehow there was an iota of my being which yearned for the dignity that I once had.

I wish I could work in a place which had an environment more conducive to people like me. I wish my friends would still joke around with me and poke fun at some part of my being like they used to earlier. I wish I could meet old friends out of the blue and not freak them out into not meeting me again. I wish I could make people move beyond the pity and sorrow of my life and embrace the rest of my being. I know this won't happen in a flash and I can wait for it coz I haven't lost hope. Well not just yet!"

300 - The Movie

As mentioned in my earlier Blog, I recently saw the much in talk movie 300. Although I wanted to see it on Imax, the tickets and shows were far and between leading me to settle for the normal screen. As a pre-cursor to the hype related to the movie, I read up the wikipedia posts related to it. This movie has been made from a graphic novel also known by the same name. As a good History student in school, (for those of you who did not know me back then, I had once contemplated a career in archeology) I was intrigued by the amazing quality of the post and how it got me involved in this 'against the odds' fight.

Having said that, my reading exercise also let me form my expectations for the movie to be a fantasy kind of a historic and not an out and out historical account of the battle. The one thing that came out of the comments made by the makers was that It was a literal conversion of the graphic novel. So those of you who are wanting a gripping authentic account of the battle and era, you would be disappointed. For the real account refer this

Now lets get to the real deal, the movie itself. For a person who likes action movies, this one does not let you down. Even if you leave out the rest of the movie and watch the battle scenes, you would be treated to your money's worth or more. The skill of the Spartan soldiers is hyped to super human proportions and the 6 packs on each one of them, holds testimony to this claim. (btw if you felt this was done using special effects, think again.... Look at this routine for the actors who played Spartan soldiers). The movie seems more like an opera than a movie and has the same kind of aura about it. This is established by the over-emphasized dialogues like 'This is Sparta' or 'Remember Us' or 'Tonight we dine in Hell'....They are loud and spine chilling in some cases. King Leonidus has a distinct Maximus (of gladiator fame) hangover and lives up to the comparison.
There is nothing that really surprised me in the movie as the story is small and predictable. The best scene for me was the war scene with the Immortals wherein the Spartans use the dead bodies of the earlier parts of the Persian contingent. (Well the sight of the Oracle comes close to being my favorite too...ah what a sight!!!)

Now lets get to the flip side! The war depicted against the Persian Empire or the 1000 Kingdoms of Asia seems like a bit of a deja vu in the reverse chronology considering the current state of the world. And I hope it doesn't give the viewers the wrong view of the people from that region. Also, the battle scenes though spell-binding, do not get you emotionally attached to the Spartan soldiers. And as said earlier, there wasn't any attempt at making this a realistic tale. The 'Lord of the Rings' kind of effects and characters are entertaining and eeeky at different moments in the movie. All in all a movie worth watching once. Not a collectible though.

300 vs The Immortals

Yesterday was a day of coincidences....I saw a movie called 300 about a handful of Spartans fighting the Immortal Persian army.....At the same time India was given a propah Whoopass by 'minnows' Bangladesh.....Well I know the Indians are not the immortals.....and the Bangladeshis are not the best cricketers in the world...Ironically they say India has the best batting lineup....the most experienced cricketers...the most well paid team...and the BEST batsman in the world...(you know who....and whoever says anything against the man is damned to eternity for saying he is human and in my opinion....he may be the best player on a ball to ball basis...BUT...when in a pressure situation when its a Do or Die, he would be ranked 10th or 15th in the world and 3rd or 4th in India)...So what went wrong???

For one drawing a parallel from the movie 300, the Spartans made the Persians charge at them in a narrow corridor and that meant it was a level playing field for them. For Bangladesh, that narrow corridor was the width of the 3 stumps...wicket to wicket bowling and like the Spartans they defended their turf by brilliant fielding. Another parallel though its the opposite of what was done in 300...the Spartan king refused the services of a deficient fighter coz he was not in sync with the team...The King of Team India refused logic and fielded the 'Nawab of Najafgarh' (who comes up with these titles anyways?) despite the fact that he was dragging the team down since the past 6 months or more...(My honest opinion about Sehwag...He is exciting to watch and a 'Lucky go Happy' one at it...you heard it right...He wouldn't score half his centuries or half centuries if it wasnt for the shoddy fielding namely the dropped catches by the opposing team...look back at the stats and let me know)...Another rule of battle to be learnt from 300...Don't give your opposing team the advantage of knowing you know they can beat you...the Indian captain in his interview before the match said "We will not take Bangladesh lightly...We know they have beaten us before" (I mean 'Duh!' thats like saying we know you can beat us...and giving them self belief...Don't have to say "We will crush them"...all that needs to be said is we will take this on a match to match basis and face them like we would face any other team in the competition)
I will leave the other mistakes made to the other cricket critics (90 million Indians...hehehe) Lets get to the lessons which were learnt...oops I mean lessons that ought to be learnt...(you ll get it from the 1st lesson)
1. India like to repeat their mistakes. India have a penchant for making their own life difficult and making someones day or should I say tournament. In 1999, India helped Zimbabwe to have a great world cup by losing to them...they repeat this with Bangladesh.
2. Field players on their current form and not past performances....why in the name of god did Sehwag play instead of an in form Dinesh Kartik or even for that matter Irfan Pathan
3. Who is your best One day player on current form and performances in the past 3 yrs?...Yuvraj Singh (notwithstanding the almost yr long injury)...and which position does he play at?...Number 6...dont you feel thats plain stupid???
4. Theres no harm in putting up a surprise or change your strategies mid way.... Remember the pinch hitter magic of the 96 world cup? Well you have a lousy run rate at the 20th over and you need to get some quick runs...why not send someone like Agarkar (my opinion on Agarkar...he is a good batsman...underrated and does not perform to his potential...and he needs a thwack on the hindside for not doing that) to try and hit the attack...Theres nothing the lose as he is not a batter who you can depend on anyways...
5. Get the basics right...When you cant hit the boundaries...run like your life depended on it...Look at your last 2 players and the way they scored an almost life-saving last wicket partnership

Lets look at the possibilities now....
1. Bangladesh beats Sri Lanka: (Highly unlikely) We will go through by just beating Sri Lanka and Bermuda
2. Sri Lanka beats Bangladesh: We need to beat Sri Lanka and Bermuda by a very good margin...be sure to chase against Sri Lanka....coz we would probably have to chase in 40 odd overs....that would certainly show us which one of our paper tigers is capable of growling and hunting.

Consolation Prize for India??? Pakistan are out!!!
Consolation Prize for Pakistan??? India have a good chance of not making it as well!!!
Oh you know how brains work on either side!!! So don't say you guys did not enjoy the others defeat....

Kindly refrain from throwing stones or harming a family member of the Indian cricketers....wait for them to come back...hehehehe

Moving......

For those of you who think the title means 'getting emotional about something' (Heres an example of the Moving Anna Nicole Smith trial judge)...ting ting...heres ur stop (get off this bus)....Now that I have your attention, (You are still hung up on Anna's story right...doh!!!) I have moved residences lotsa times over my short career on Mother earth (that sounds star trekky rt?) And there are so many things you can learn from me!!! (I may start a 'Donald Trump' kinds convention in your town....whats it called?...'Your are Moved'...better still turn it into a reality TV show...hmmmm)

Since I have moved in India and in the US...(not considering my move from India to the US....thats a future topic called travel tips)

Official tips:
1) There are 2 things to moving....a) Moving all the stuff to the new place and b) Cleaning your old place....These are 2 things which can be done in tandem....but better to have (b) follow (a) at least the major parts (What an Obvious tip huh?...trust me some numb nuts don't even know this)

2) Nothing pays richer dividends than to be organized about the whole move process. Unless you have only a little amount of stuff to move, you better start categorizing things. Don't start writing down 1 toothbrush, shaving cream....be a little bit high level than that...all bathroom equipment sounds great

3) Another approach to moving stuff is clearing one part of the house at a single time and getting it off the workbench completely. Just like a good modular design approach....(see it helps to be in software....better still u can actually relate coding and the rest of the world)

4) Early Bird takes the Worm (or something like that)....If you know when you are gonna move....don't wait till the last few days to get going....start as early as possible

Unofficial Tips
1) Boxes...however useless they look at the onset...believe me a Box is your best friend during a move....(well said....dogs 'You are fired!!!')

2) Stuff which you don't use (and you have loads of it believe me) gotta go to the trash bin...trust me when I say you are never gonna fit in those 24 inch trousers ever again....might as well get them off your shelf or if you wanna make some antique moolah, box them up for your grandchildren. (Refer Tip 1)

3) Don't feel bad to clean your own shit....(For the dimwits, I mean theres no harm done in cleaning your toilet....for the smart ppl, clean it once in a while to keep you from having an eeky feeling up your nose at the time of a cleaning session)

4) Better still have your room mate (if you have any....Hallelujah.....if not ... hahahaha .....thats my sadistic laughter...u like the sound of it?) clean the toilet.

5) If possible move stuff over a period of time....Best time to do this....every night make a trip with a lil bit of stuff each time)

6) Help other ppl move...(Not by cleaning their shit...refer Tip# 3)...u never know when u need (Refer Tip# 3 again) them for ur move.

Happy Moving Guys!!!...and Gals too!!! (sorry)

V Day for Me

Of all the "Hallmark" days in the world, the one I despise the most is "Valentines" day. For all those love birds in the world...I know what you are thinking rt now....(pathetic loser!!!) considering me the Grinch equivalent for Valentines Day....Well I ll reconsider this view someday....Well People you gotta start playin Will 'Hitch' Smith to make the transition faster....

The V day crap was introduced to us by the quintessential Yash Chopra in his movie 'Dil to Pagal Hai'...the Mills and Boons movie which preached every cow had a bull in the world and vice versa (Not to be taken offensively in California...well we can work through the definition).... I mean everyone has a soul mate and we meet them and yadi yadi yada (thats a cool phrase I learned to describe etc. or in Hindi 'Vagaira Vagaira'...Not the blue pill man) So it started putting pressure on singles to get their act together so as to fulfill what Chopra says....Well not only that, it pushed the already hitched guys to start emptying their pockets if they didn't want to end up in the singles club...Well all hell broke loose!!!

Hey am I forgetting something? Oh yeah it wasn't Chopra that gave it the flavor of epic proportions, it was actually people who were hellbent on opposing the hallmark holiday (I would change my opinion abt V day unconditionally if they declare it a Holiday)...They have been playing perfect hooligans disrupting the V day celebrations all over India every year since around a decade ago...(For those of you from outside India....Well refer this.....Its an every year event that they organize)....splashing the V day across TV channels, debates and newspapers, in the process epitomizing the saying "Any publicity is good publicity"...So you have posters burnings...cards burning...shops shattered all over the place....You expect the sales to go down...right?....But people react just the way kids react, to the phrase "No. Don't do that".....You got the picture....The V day business zoomed....So you have got all lovers on to the bandwagon....What next? Well we gotta react to the 'obscene' adjective being hurled at the day...So lets see how do we fight the argument and boost sales as well...Hmm...Why not say that its just not for lovers...Love is universal and can be between any 2 human beings...So you have love between brothers and sisters...Parents and children and what not (By the way there are other hallmark holidays for that stuff like Mother's day...Father's day...and what not! Reiterating my stand...I have no issues if they are actually converted into holidays)...But what about ppl who are single and still feel left out...Well heres another funny concept...a kind of love is to love yourself and gift yourself....(hmmm...what a croak of S#%$!!!)...And before we know it V day is bigger than ever.

So whats my serious stand on this? Well theres no reason not to celebrate V day or Mothers day or Father's day! The important thing is you got to start looking beyond just the days...You don't need some anointed day to express love or to make your mother father or girl friend or friend to feel special....You can do it every day of the year....(Don't celebrate V day every day...coz you ll go broke with the diamond purchases buddy...and btw its much less expensive a candle light dinner on 15th or 13th of Feb).....I mean there is no point making life hell for someone or fighting someone for 364 days and making up for a day....Treat every day as special and give everyone around you the treatment that you would want meted out to you...Go wear that dress you are saving for your bday coz if you wanna feel good anyday is good enough...(Cool advice huh?...Yeah well you know I like Philosophy so much!!!)
To end the scrap on V day, I would want to dedicate this clip from "Love actually" to all my past and present crushes...

Shantaram....

The name 'Shantaram' would put off a person of maharashtrian descent (no offense intended to the Shantarams of the world) due to its old world 'charm' (or the lack of new world charm...if you know what I mean) Having said that, I had been reading up on reviews of a book by the same name by an unknown author "Gregory David Roberts" (Coming to think about it...I like to go for unknown authors rather than the David Dhawan's of the book world...gives my bookshelf a more eclectic blend...and a stack of half read books....coz some of em are booooring) for quite some time....Finally I decided to take the plunge...(For those of you who don't know my reading habits...it takes me lot of thinking and maybe a bout of spontaneous impulse to pick up or order a book) and order this book.

So I got 'Shantaram' by UPS and the first thing that I noticed was "Man is this heavy or What?"..(suitably punished for not paying attention to the world hardcover)..Whats the second thing?...well "Holy Cow this is so Thickkk!!!"....It took me a while to finally pick it up from my shelf at 11 pm....and Guess what?...I still had it in my hands at 2 am.....(For those of you who can finish a book in a night....I don't sail in the same boat as u...bite me!!!...and besides this is the longest book that I have read in my career - barring the Engineering books I supposedly read of course)

Getting back on the saddle of the horse (cool phrase huh?)....Personally I prefer books which can paint the scene in front of the reader and the characters are enlivened into speaking the written word...As guessed from the fact that I am writing a blog about it, this book not only satisfies this requirement, but goes way beyond......rarely does one come across a book which has a good story which is well written and has words which are music to the ears...(whats that?)...phrases that compel the reader to backtrack them and say "Wow!!! Thats so cool or hot or groovy or whatever your buzz word is"...(I have read books wherein I have had to backtrack and say "Huh! whats that supposed to mean?"...Fury - Salman Rushdie being one of them...now you know I am a literary bumpkin)...My favorite would be the theory of evolution of the Universe...Don't wanna give it away...The book also poses a few introspective questions about human existence...It really puts you in the mind of the protagonist...(those imagining about games like Doom when u read this line...get outta hear!!!)...The one that I loved the most is "Whats better? Doing the right things for the wrong reasons? Or doing the wrong things for the right reasons?"...It takes you through the changes that the protagonist goes through and his psyche as it changes...the way he retrospects his own actions...comes up with some amazing comparisons when someone else makes a choice which is similar to his own in a completely disparate situation...I am short on words to say more....(and yet I have consumed so many words)

To write a review of Shantaram and not mention its main character would be criminal...I don't mean the protagonist which in this case is the author himself...I mean the city of Bombay or Mumbai...Being my hometown, I have not come across a better portrayal of the city in any other book as yet...(comments welcome if you have)...The author has quite literally captured the soul of the city...The reader would want to catch the next flight out to experience it in the flesh...(And for the record, I almost went to Leopolds some years ago and my next trip is gonna fulfill that...Go check out Cafe Mondegar as well...nice place)...The story of a foreigner who comes to Mumbai and makes it his home...well almost is biographical in a way...The different parts of this epic are amusing...thought-provoking and realistic...well realistic enough to keep the reader pondering as to what part of the book was fact and what part was fiction?

In addition to being a best seller, this book is soon going to be made into a major motion picture...with Johnny Depp playing the lead role and Helena Bonham Carter as the alluring Karla...though I would have preferred someone like Angelina Jolie to play Karla...(well I wud prefer her to play any role as long as she blazes the screen...what say?)..coz of her strength, sensuousness and again a sense of cynical heartless demeanor...well maybe not (any comments for Karla castings welcome!!!)...

Well what are you doin still reading this?...Go on pick up a copy....a paperback version of course.

Are you Smart or Are you Brave???

Ever wondered what its like to put all your eggs in one basket? Well traditionally speaking....its not a good idea right?...Well lets analyze that hypothesis a bit...Having a plan B or a safety net is great as against risking it all on plan A and push yourself to make Plan A to work like there is no tomorrow.
The smart people always have a plan B....they know, what they are doing, does not have a 100% chance to succeed...And they have a hedge fund kinda concept going for them. So if the attempt does not go through, they can say "Well whatever!!! I always had plan B if this did not work out. I am so smart that I am always prepared for the worst!" Hmmm...well thats a good way of looking at it.
Lets look at the other side now...The Brave people put all their eggs in one basket...They kinda risk it all on that one chance they got....And they are not prepared for the worst....They always keep saying to themselves "This has got to work...else I am totally screwed!!!" So they are audacious enough to not think about protecting themselves from failure!!!
Lets dig a little deeper in the Smart person psyche and the Brave person psyche shall we? The Smart person starts his attempt to get plan A working....Well he runs the first 50% of the task really well...Now as he approaches the last leg, the pressure is almost wilting and knocking the day lights outta him....Now he must fight that pressure off and become a stronger person and try and win plan A...Guess what...his sub-conscious takes over and he begins to think..."What the hell? I have plan B!!! So whatever happens, I am gonna be just ok!"...And before the person knows it....Well he has lost his perspective on plan A and now he is all about plan B....In the process it may so happen that he fails to make that last stretch and fails by just a small amount. Now lets look at the Brave person...He starts off just like the smart one...After 50% of the task is done...He realizes "Geez man! I got a lot of stuff riding on this baby!!! I better get this done".....So he starts running harder towards the finishing line....and as he gets closer to the line...he gets faster coz he knows theres no second chance....
The Brave ones are the ethereal optimists and the Smart ones are somewhat optimistically pessimistic. The third kinds "pessimistic ones" are not considered at all...Coz there is no way in hell they can win. So do you really make that decision to be smart or brave? Or does it depend on the circumstances? Well I would say its a mix of both. Having said that Circumstances do tend to influence your choice. It all depends on what you may have to lose if it you don't succeed. More often than not situations in which you have 'nothing to lose' or you have 'everything to lose' have a way of invoking the braveness of a person. It is when you have something to lose that it becomes grey....Coz then you have a choice to let plan A take as much as you are willing to lose or a little more than that. This little more that a person gives up is a really difficult mix to achieve...if it is too much it jeopardizes plan B and if it is too little...well bye bye plan A....So ppl who have too little to lose in the first place tend to bank on plan A....ppl who have everything to lose put everything behind plan A coz its just about enough to get them thru.....Its when you have choice between either plan A or plan B to succeed that the smart guys chicken out and go for plan B.
So Tell me something? Are you the smart one with the "Hope for the Best. Be prepared for the worst" attitude? Or are you the brave one with the "Be prepared for the Best. Get screwed lest the Worst" attitude? Waiting for your comments...(Ain't this blog very unlike me?...Well I am inspired to write inspirational stuff once in a while!!! What inspired me you ask....I ll get back to it in my next blog!)

My Style of writing

For those of you who have been reading my blog a lot....(hmmm...so I am a self confessed apotheosis of immodesty...bite me) must like this for my style of writing. Well let me give you a background of why it is so!!! As you may already know, I take a lot of inspiration from movies and television (read my other blogs if you don't know...grrr)...This is no different...I have been a fan of Sitcoms all my life....But to tell you the truth...the ones that appeal to me the most are not the ones with laughter track on them....My favorite shows would have 2 most notable ones...Ally McBeal and Scrubs.....Why so?...The striking resemblance between the 2 is to deliver a serious or somewhat sane message without having to be serious or sane about them....For starters the protagonists Ally and Dr. Dorian are always guided by their own voices...Not just that these inner selves think of the most whacky things at times completely opposite to the happenings....they are insane at sane times and sane at insane times....and if you really analyze this is something I identify with a bit.....So getting back to my style of writing....you will always notice something written in brackets which if ignored don't impair the relevance of the written matter (But make it B-OR-I-N-G) and gives you a mirthful third person view on what I am writing. Heres looking forward to a lot more whacky stuff from yours truly....

I Banged a Pole

Before you get any ideas from the title....take the literal meaning of it....Oh no...not that literal meaning....I mean the other literal meaning....hmm...let me explain....I was walking while reading a newspaper (or maybe I was reading while walking on the footpath...neways) and I failed to notice a Steel pole right in front of me...and sure enough I banged right into it with my legs on either side of the pole....Fortunately my hands took the brunt of the clash....I didn't bang my head and I am sure I will be able to start a family...(toungue in cheek)
Well has this happened before?...hell yeah...with so many disastrous (hyperbole intended) consequences...you just need to start talking to my mom and half my stories (btw if my mom starts narrating 'funny to you horrific to me' tales...you gotta keep in mind that anything before the age of 10 will be said as if it happened yesterday and any amount of denial from my part will only result to more publicity to the alleged incident) would reflect such acts of absent-minded behavior....and that is all that I have to say about that....(Sorry Forrest...couldn't resist copying that one from you)

Guru says 'I Am Bani yeah'

Its 2 am and I just got back from a screening of 'Guru'. What compelled me to write this blog at this late hour?....Well I just told you I saw Guru.....Well if I yap abt the stellar performances of the lead and support actors in the film...then I would be aping what every newspaper reviewer has done or what any other amateur blogger has done (well I am confident I am not an amateur any more....a confidence I drew from Gurukant Desai) .... So instead of doing the usual routine, I would like to say how well the book 'The Polyester Prince' has been adapted for big screen keeping all lead characters intact. If you haven't read it...well you are missing out on a piece of history u ought to know about.
The film delves into a lot of jargon..well not a lot of it (non-convertible debentures and all)...which could have been avoided or explained better considering you are making a mainstream movie....u say its not mainstream???...well what was the future Mrs. Desai doing dancing at the start of the film or Mr. Desai in the middle of the film. What such roadblocks of musical boredom did was consume precious film reel...taking away a chance to film some more insightful scenes into the success of Gurukant Desai....which has a few chapters...90% of them showing some kind of manipulation....
So what could have made the movie interesting?...Lets see how about a common mans life change during the course of the film due to his investments in Guru's company?....Hmm that would have made the film an account of a Hero...in the cliched bollywood sense.....maybe......The episode of the protagonist against the cartel of bears in the stock market would have been a really good and easily understandable part of the original protagonist's growth...Unfortunately this is not one of the episodes covered.....The remark about needing a license was sharp, witty and yet I believe went unnoticed by a generation which knows nothing about the post independence era from conventional sources of education....So a small anecdote or insight into the license era would have been welcome.....The scene between Guru and the newly appointed prime minister...oops i meant minister was not sinister enough and did not suggest the kind of pressure it put on the minister...they should have stuck to the bag containing the bribe being returned to the minister...as that was the unofficial scene between u knw who and u already knw who.....And that was too sensational for the book too.....Hmm well these are some of my opinions and I don't expect Mani Ratnam to follow them....(as if....)
All in all the philosophy of the real life person or the character come through right in the last few scenes where he challenges the way business was carried out before he came along....And that is one of the scenes which really touches the viewers...Most other scenes though brilliant just don't tug at your heart....
Last words...Heres looking forward to some great future work from Mithunda and of course 'Abhishek Amitabh Bacchan' (poora naam haaaiin)

Fast paced book....lack of content

Reading 'One night @ Call center' was a been there done that for me...The accomplishment was reading a complete book in a single day...Well for some this would sound absurd coz.....I know ppl who can finish a 500 page novel in a matter of hours.....But given that I have a penchant for dragging a book for months...this was quite an accomplishment. The earlier record was 3 days for 'Five point Someone' by the same author.
Lets get to the book now.....'1 nite...' has been on my shelf for a couple of months now. Finally I decided to get it over with. Given the fact that Five point someone is one of my favorite books ( I agree with ppl when they say its too amateurish...but I do like independent low budget films as much as a like a Spielberg epic)...I had a lot of expectations from this baby.....and maybe I expected Shamita Shetty to be as ravishing as Shilpa Shetty...(I suck at metaphors don't I? Couldn't think of another one if not a better one)...It was not to be though......The book has a few great things about it...The best thing is the way Chetan Bhagat creates a scene with elaborate dialogues and settings....You actually feel like you are watching a movie with the characters as real as real can be.....The next would be the message put across...which is to follow your heart always....Last but not the least the crisp editing....Editing??? A Book???...Well I have come to realize, Chetan does not write books....they are more of screenplays....coz if I made a movie out of his books...(I wish I could make a movie....) I would not change the scene placement one bit...Its a pre-edited version.....
Now onto the sad part....the perception of a call center job is completely one sided...well of course there are better jobs than a call center....But then again....a voice BPO was just the beginning for the bigger and better KPO (Knowledge process outsourcing...go look that up wikipedia...duh)...It was the same as the Indian software industry which started with fixing a '00' to a '2000' when Y2K struck.....as years went by, it climbed the value chain and are doing cutting edge stuff now.....Last but not the least....there are subtle ways of saying things and keeping points of view against a group of ppl. and these are always better than brash ways of demeaning a particular group.....the book opts for the latter on the pretext of sounding patriotic...a bit on the lines of Gadar's Sunny paaji.....All in all, it maintains the tempo set by the earlier book and is certainly a 'cantputitdowner'..(hey i actually came up with a new word)

Deja Vu meets Signs

One Confusing movie meets another and becomes the story of my day this New year....Confused? Well for starters..deja vu is something repeating itself..(also a confusing, stretch to your imaginations movie starring Denzel W.)......and Signs is the M Night Shyamalan movie stressing on the fact that everything happens for a reason.
Well over the yrs since my school days, I have had the penchant for losing things. Flashback arnd 17-18 yrs ago...my first school picnic was an auspicious start to being a loser..(don't mistake it with the noun loser...grrr)....I mean at the art of losing....I was arnd 6-7 yrs old and was packed to board the school bus with a bag filled with a bottle, tifin and the works.....well I came back with all my stuff barring me myself being in the lost and found dept....The above happenings recurred many a times over the next few yrs...of course with a few disparities.....Umbrellas was a rare commodity for me to use (more so to own)...coz I lost the umbrella of all my family members...(ok rephrased all male family members....I ain't gonna carry a red umbrella to school...I wasn't my metro-sexual self yet...that word wasn't even born then)...The usual place of occurrence was a rickshaw. As usual I 'd keep it at my side and forget it after i paid the fare and then run after the rickshaw, hoping against hope itself. This led me to completely avoid carrying an umbrella in my college days..unless it was pouring outside of course....that gave me a responsible image too...(not coz of the 'not carrying umbrella' thing...the 'not losing an umbrella' thing)...well you cant drown if u don't swim rt....or do u drown coz u don't swim?...u got what i wanna say!!! Thats the deja vu part...
Well what abt the 'Signs' part of the blog u ask?.....Well here they are

1. After around a yr of not having to sit in a cab...I started using em regularly...Well someday I had to lose something....strike 1
   
2. It was the New year weekend and I saw a really good leather jacket sale....An inner voice said 'Get it dude!!!'...but for once the angel in me decided to save up.....hmmm the sale was a sign dude...don't u listen...buy one...u can keep an extra jacket???...Strike 2
   
3. I was about to leave my apt with an inexpensive jacket...but it was cold....and I decided to take my expensive leather jacket instead....duh!!!...Strike 3
   
4. At the airport, before getting into the cab, I decided against wearing the jacket..coz its so hot....and then when I alighted....the rain had stopped too...giving me no reason to look for my jacket.....Strike 4...You are out.....(I know its out on Strike 3 u snobbish baseball fans)

Well as you may have guessed I am hoping against hope again for the cab driver to be an angel and get the jacket back to me....nope...Ok I ll hope for the sale to still be available...thats a safer bet